Wednesday, December 20, 2006

It’s time for this again!

Mechanics for this is that you put the first sentences of the first posts per month and that will be your year end review.

So here it is:

Jan: To you who taught me how to love.
Feb: I’m so happy, really very, very happy!
March: Has someone swept you off your feet that you cannot help but fall in love with that person?
April: no entry
May: I haven’t been able to blog in such a long time, which is a shame really because there are a lot of things I want to share.
June: I just realized that I am really selosa
July: Para sayo na kaklase ko sa Math class ni Escuadro
August: Just got to watch “Tokyo Drift” in Gateway yesterday.
Sept: Off to Baguio
Oct: What happens when you are armed with a digicam and are really, really bored?
Nov: Had dinner with my friends, at last.
Dec: Went to the 2006 NU Rock Awards last December 1 at the World trade Center

So there is my whole year in review....As usual, I'll still post a proper tribute to all that has happened to me in the year that passed...

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all....

Nagtataka lang.

Is it normal to still feel something pag nabasa mo ang mga dating
sulat sayo ng ex mo?

Kahit na mayroon ka ng bagong minamahal.
Kahit na masaya ka na sa buhay mo ngayon.

Binabasa ko kasi yung mga lumang email namin to each other,
nagulat ako kasi may kirot pa rin sa puso.

Ibig sabihin ba nun hindi pa ko nakakamove on?

Hindi siguro....Hindi na...

A letter from someone who loved...

It’s still raining outside, and fearing about the traffic, I decided to 
write you a letter… perhaps I wanted to for quite some time now, just 
found the right mood and time.
How are you doing? I know I ask this to you almost everyday.  Don’t get 
me wrong, it’s just how I take care of people.  Sorry if it now appears 
routinely for you.  If ever it appears routinely for you, I hope you’ll 
see that it’s more of affection and concern rather than an obligation.  
I made a promise (in case you still don’t know) when I ask you if you 
want me to take care of you.  I took it seriously in my heart, because I 
know I become a better person when I care for someone rather than 
myself.  What you texted to me the previous days about me making you really 
happy enabled me to cling on something I started to disbelieve in.  You 
brought back hope again in me, that certain good deeds don’t go 
unnoticed and unappreciated.  
Perhaps it’s time for you to know what my status for J is (and I 
guess I haven’t told anyone yet about it.)  First question, do I still 
love her? Yes, and I think it will never go.  I loved her with my whole 
heart and for that I’m happy.  If the question would be would I still 
love her, then perhaps yes in the way that I would be here when the time 
comes she needs another best friend or even just a friend.  I never 
abandoned her and I don’t intend to.  But if somebody would ask if I would 
still wish to the heavens for us to be together again just like before, 
I wanted to believe and accept that it would never be… and painfully, 
perhaps it wasn’t meant to be in the first place.  You’re right E, 
we were never meant to be.  
The boyfriend-girlfriend issue is long over.  It’s the lost friendship 
and the seeming cruel attitude she’s giving me right now that hurt so 
much.  Up to now I cry over the one simple question, “What did I do to 
deserve this?” I can’t reconcile the fact that people would say that 
somehow I was a good boyfriend, did everything I can to maintain the 
friendship.  I was there during her tough moments in school and in the 
family.  I understood her whenever she had her mood swings.  I was there and 
understood everything, bore the pain with the hope that at least, the 
friendship was worth fighting and crying for.
But what did I get in the end? Right now, I think I don’t exist in her 
life anymore.  You know what hurts the most? When you are not 
considered as a good friend anymore… when everything you have done were 
forgotten, gone to waste.  Every time I read a bulletin post from her, I hope 
in God that somehow she would include me at least as someone who made 
her happy.  I feel worse than a criminal now… 
Christ said you give love without expecting anything in return.  I 
agree and painfully followed that teaching.  But I never thought in my 
whole life that what you get when you poured out your heart and love you’ll 
be repaid in the end by cruelness, unkindness, unforgiveness, and pain.  
Yes, there was one night I wanted to kill myself, it just didn’t made 
sense…  And yes there are still days that I cry because of it.
How do I move on? My heart would say forgive her.  And yes, I know also 
in my heart I already did.  But the pain won’t go.  Then one night I 
realized.  Remember the dream I just texted you? It was about J 
dating a new guy just now.  It hurts to the core because I thought she left 
me because she doesn’t want a commitment, but with that it would now 
appear that she left me because of me, nothing more, the commitment issue 
was just a way of her getting out.  The guy was a jerk and it pains me 
again to feel that all my sincerity didn’t matter in this world.  It 
would come sooner or later… and I hope I would stand the pain when that 
day comes.
Is this what you get when you risk it all out? When you bet everything 
you had? 
Was it worth it? In tears I would say “yes”.  Better love and lost than 
never loved at all as the old saying goes.  But it is so painful… 
I want to love again.  As silly as it may sound, I still believe in 
love.  Right now, it seems that a miracle is happening.  You are the 
You came in a time I never, never, never expected.  You showed 
appreciation and concern and never imagined and dreamt of getting from you.  
You made me feel things I do not understand.  You made me scared and at 
the same time very much happy within.  Perhaps I’m scared of running the 
risk of losing you and you never coming back.  Right now E, 
honestly, I’m trying all my best to take hold of my emotions, of opening a 
space for you to hurt me.  But I know that by opening a space in my 
heart, you would really make a difference in my life.  I want you to make a 
difference in my life.  Sorry if it makes you feel 
uncomfortable, I hope it doesn’t.
For such a short time, you managed to do things differently in my life.  
You brought hope back in me.  I can’t write them all down but I want 
you to know that you make me happy more than you could ever imagine.  And 
yes, there are also nights that I feel a bit mad at you, especially 
when you don’t seem to text back.  Perhaps it’s a sign of you slowly 
entering my heart. 
It was one of the hardest things I did in my life when I wrote a mail 
of reconsideration to M.  I was confused on two things: one that I 
believe that he doesn’t deserve the love you’re giving him and two, the 
fact that it seems now that the only real thing to make you happy is 
for that guy to come back in your arms.  I opted for the second, but I 
know that if it works, I’ll never have that chance.
E, I envy him, so much.  When I look back at the few moments we 
have spent together, I sigh in disbelief.  Why did he leave her? You are 
so great E.  I want to return what you texted me a few days ago.  
You don’t get off that easy, you make me happy.  
I want to spend more time with you, and I pray that I could 
continuously make you feel happy and special.  Someday, I pray to God that I would 
be given the chance to love you, much more that how I loved J.  Sa 
kailailaliman ng puso ko, hangad kong mahalin kita bukas.  But for now, 
I hold on to the happiness our friendship gives.  No regrets here 
E, nor grand expectations.  Just simply how I feel.
When the time comes he doesn’t comes back for you, just look for me.
You always take care E, be safe, and never take things for 


Found this in my inbox while I was cleaning my archives. I'm sorry it didn't work out.


I don't think you will

ever fully understand

how you've touched my life

and made me who I am.

I don't think you could ever know

just how truly special you are

that even on the darkest nights

you are my brightest star.

I don't think you will ever fully comprehend

how you've made my dreams come true

or how you've opened my heart

to love and the wonders it can do.

You've allowed me to experience

something very hard to find

unconditional love that exists

in my body, soul, and mind.

I don't think you could ever feel

all the love I have to give

and I'm sure you'll never realize

you've been my will to live.

You are an amazing person

and without you I don't know where id be.

Having you in my life

completes and fulfills every part of me.

*Jul 03, 2004

powered by performancing firefox

Monday, December 04, 2006


Went to the 2006 NU Rock Awards last December 1 at the World Trade Center. Here are some pictures from the event.
Miles and I arrived just before the show started and a crowd had already gathered.
Itchyworms opened the show with a fantastic number, they sang "Akin ka na Lang"

A lot of celebrities attended the event. Asia Agcaoili and Joyce Jimenez were a few. (wanted to post more pix of the celebrities but the other pictures I have are hi-res pix that takes too long to upload)

That's Ron grabbing the opportunity to have his pic taken with Joyce Jimenez
After several hours of standing, we just wanted to sit down.

The event ended at around 12am. I had such a blast, thanks to my beloved brand!