Thursday, May 07, 2009


I am a closet masochist, not physically but emotionally.

People who know me always say that I am strong, emotionless and apathetic. I’ve heard it over and over from the mouths of different people – officemates, acquaintances, friends…

But they know something about me. They don’t know that I cry over commercials, I cry in funny movies, I cry when I see an old couple holding hands, I cry over sad music videos, heck I even cry when I’m driving alone.

And I love to cry. I like the feeling of the burning in my chest, the swollen eyes, the tugging at my heart...

So I watch Korean movies and dramas because they always make me cry. I cry when the characters reach a conflict and I cry tears of joy when they reach their happy ending.

And right now I feel like crying again. Crying tears of joy for all the blessings in my life.
- because my parents are still healthy and with us.
- because of how lucky I am that I have found the perfect husband. Yesterday was our 5th month as a married couple and I haven't found any reason to complain. Other people talk about the adjustment period that newly married couples go through and how hard it is but we didn't have that. Everything since the day that we took our vows have been happy memories where I feel like we were children again playing house.
- because I am blessed with a job where I love the people I work with (well, some of them). A job that pays enough to get me through each day.
- because I have an extended family who are always there to support me whether it be in hard times or good
- because I have friends that keep me grounded and dares me to try new and exciting things

So I cry again. For things that I have been blessed with and things that I still pray for. I bet this crying spell will last until there are no more tears left. I know it's a weird and unhealthy habit but crying helps me release my emotions that I always keep in check when I am with other people.

And someday, I hope, I get over this and learn how not to cry anymore.