Saturday, January 21, 2006

Hainakuh, i am bored. napuntahan ko na yata lahat ng blogs ng mga kilala ko. kahit blog ng friend ng friend ko nabasa ko na yata. ayoko pa kasi matulog kasi may hinihintay ako. Anyway, habang nagbabasa ko ng mga blog ng ibang tao, kinikilig ako. Kinikilig ako sa mga relaitonships nila, para ang tibay (kahit yung iba sobrand bata pa) and hindi lang basta basta fling coz some of them have already passed the one year mark. And there was this one blog na shared blog nila nung guy niya. they've been together more than one year na and they are still so sweet with each other. Sobra, kinukwento nila yung mga away nila and yung mga lambingan nila...and kinikilig talaga ko. haha...

Made me think about my relationship tuloy...It's not what you might call perfect or totally happy all the time...On the contrary, madalas ang away, ang tampuhan pero madalang ang lambingan when it comes to making up. ewan ko ba kung bakit pero may hinahanap pako. Ang bilis kong mairita sa kanya lately kasi nagiging masyado na siyang comfortable with me (not that it's a bad thing). Kaya lang kasi kung anu ano sinasabi niya sakin minsan nasasaktan talaga ko kahit hindi ko na lang pinapansin. Hay, ewan ko ba kung bakit ganito ang pakiramdam.

Pero don't get me wrong kasi okay naman kami...Kung iisipin wala naman talagang problema...Hay, ewan ko ba kung bakit hindi ako makuntento.... Gusto ko lang siguro sanang kiligin ulit... Sabi ko nga dun sa isang friend ko dati yung kilig yung favorite part ko ng relationship. yung tipong you can't stop smiling...hainakuh, ewan ko. basta, i'm not making sense...

Don't worry...kahit na nagrereklamo ako, mahal naman kita eh. So we both should keep on smiling...parang ganito:
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Friday, January 13, 2006

New song for the moment:

O U T O F R OA D S
(Song of the Prodigal Son)
Music by Arnel dC. Aquino, ../Lyrics by Johnny
C. Go, ../Arrangement by Mel Villena/Featuring
Calvin Millado
I just ran out of roads again. Don’t know
where to turn. I started counting stars again,
then I lost my way. I just ran out of time again.
Will I ever learn to stop my chase of hours
again, only learn I’ve lost the day?
REFRAIN 1: The last thing I need is to hear this
whisper in the wind. The last thing I want is
this voice that rises from within. I’ll need to go
home soon, I know. But maybe tomorrow, not
now, when the last thing I need here and now
is this lasting need for You.
I’ve been rushing out of rooms again. Too
afraid to stay. I’ve been dreaming of some
rainbow’s end, but the colors melt away.
Should my heart be like an open door, helpless
to the storm? Permit your wind to touch my
soul, only to leave this aching song?
REFRAIN 2: The one thing I need is to hear Your
whisper in the wind. The one thing I want is
Your voice to go home soon to You. Won’t wait
for tomorrow, right now, for the one thing I
need here and now is this lasting need for You.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

To you who taught me how to love….

I never thought that after all of this time I would still be in love with you. Everything happened so fast between us. I guess we probably felt pressured. Pressured and afraid that soon things would be changing and we feared that when the environment changes, we would also change. But one thing is for certain, I know that the feelings I felt for you never changed… after all that has happened, after all this time. And I know, I can feel that you feel the same way.

It would have been perfect if we could just begin again. Wipe the slate clean and forget everything that you have done, everything that I have done. I wish it was that simple. But I guess, relationships can never be simple. But then again, is it too late? No, I don’t think it is too late for us. I guess I am just afraid to take the risk again.

Pagtataya

Parang nasabi ko na yata dati na takot akong magtaya. Takot akong magtaya kasi natatakot akong masaktan. Kung tatanungin siguro ako ngayon kung takot pa rin akong magtaya, oo pa rin ang isasagot ko. Hindi naman mawawala ang pangamba ko na baka kapag nagtaya ako masaktan ako. Takot ako pero gagawin ko pa rin. Takot ako pero magtataya pa rin ako. Dahil para sa akin ang lahat ng desisyon na gagawin ng isang tao ay may kasamang pagtataya. Ang tao na hindi nagtataya, hindi gumagawa ng decision. Isang simpleng halimbawa, nakakita ka ng bagong putahe ng pagkain sa Jollibee, bibilin mo ito kahit hindi mo pa natitikman, kahit hindi mo alam kung masarap o hindi. Magtataya ka na bilhin yun kahit walang kasiguraduhan kung magugustuhan mo ba iyon, magtataya ka para lang matikman yun. At kung nalaman mo na hindi pala masarap, nalugi ka desisyon mo na bilhin yun pero ayos lang sa yo kasi may natutunan ka naman. Dahil doon nalaman mo na hindi pala masarap yun at hindi mo na bibilin yun ulit. Pareho din sa pagpili ng iibigin. Ang tao na umiibig palaging nagtataya. Itataya mo ang puso mo kahit walang kasiguraduhan kung kayo na nga ba habang buhay.

Mahigit isang taon pa lang ang lumilipas ng huli akong nagtaya. Matagal akong nagisip kung handa ba akong magtaya. Na kung sakali man, handa akong masaktan uli. Nakakatakot. Pero wala namang mangyayari sa akin kung hindi ako matututong magtaya. Kaya nagtapang tapangan na lang ako at nagtaya. Sabi ko sa sarili ko noon, kapag nasaktan na ako, ayoko na. Pero sa nakaraang taon paulit ulit akong nasaktan. Isang baldeng luha na nga yata ang iniyak ko. Pero bakit naninindigan pa rin ako sa desisyon na ginawa ko noon hanggang ngayon? Dahil naniniwala ako na habang lalo kang nasasaktan, lalo kang tumatapang. At bawat unos na daanan mo ay lalong magpapatibay sa yo. Sulit ba ang ginawang kong pagtaya kahit na ang daming panahon na nasaktan ako? Sulit na suilt pa rin. Hinding hindi ko pagsisisihan dahil kahit na may mga pagkakataong nasasaktan ako, mas marami namang mga panahon na hindi mo matutumbasan ang kaligayahan na naranasan ko. At hindi rin matutumbusan ang sarap ng alam mo na may umiibig sayo ng higit pa sa sarili niya.

Kahit ano pang sabihin nila, Sulit ang pagtataya!