Monday, May 16, 2005

· The rain is falling outside. It breaks the silence in my room.

· A broken silence…a broken heart…

· Writing has always been my way of letting go. I wrote when I finally accepted that I will not end up with my first love, I wrote when my pet dog accidentally died, I wrote when I left college…. I guess there is finality in writing, that’s why writing is my way of saying goodbye.

· Now I am writing again. I am writing because I feel that something inside of me is dying.

· But what really is dying? I have never actually seen someone die. I have watched a lot of movies and read a lot of books about dying, yet I still do not fully understand death.

· Are you dying when you cannot breathe anymore? If it is then I am dying because I am finding it hard to breath because I have been crying for a while now.

· Are you dying when your vision has already blurred and you cannot see anything? If it is then I am dying because I cannot see anything through my tears.

· Are you dying when you cannot feel pain anymore? If it is then I am dying because although I am still crying, I am already numb to feel anything.

· When one dies, is there no tomorrow?

· I am dying…Will I have no tomorrow?

· I know someone who can save me from dying…I am reaching out but I cannot reach… If the person will only reach out then maybe…maybe I can still be saved.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

I am bored….I am so bored….

I am going to start working again in a week or so. Turns out I made the right decision because I am soon going to be financially stable again (this time for good). I don’t know if I am more excited or anxious. Excited because I am really bored here at home, and anxious because I might mess up and my superiors might decide that they made the wrong decision in taking me in.

Anyway, I want to maximize my remaining vacation time so I have been going to the beach the past weeks. But now I am already broke and I can’t go vacationing to far places anymore. I’m staying home now because I am budgeting my money so it can last me till I get my next salary again. But staying home is making me so bored that I end up bothering Mac and we would end up having our frequent nasty fights. I don’t know what to do about it anymore. I don’t even make a big deal out of it anymore, when we fight I just wait for him to call me and when he does we would not resolve our fights but rather just talk as if we the fight didn’t happen. I don’t even want to think about our compatibility and our future anymore…I am just glad to get through each day unscathed….

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sun and fun in Puerto Galera

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At Puerto Azul with the ACILberks...What are we looking at?!