I have always had separation anxiety. It’s harder for me to get over someone than other regular people. My graduations have always been hard for me because of the change that comes with it. That I won’t be seeing familiar faces, friends everyday is just hard for me.
This is why when I started working, I made a rule of not getting too close with my officemates. I knew that friends in the office are just friends for convenience. You hang out with someone in the office to have someone to eat with during lunch, you make small talk before meetings, you drink with them after work to rant about your job but you never share too much of your personal life. Because once they leave and transfer to a different company you will never see them again.
I’ve had several office friends through the years and true enough, when they resigned we lost contact.
I though I was doing fine but without knowing it, I was starting to break my rule. You see, there was someone from the office who made an impact in my life . When I got transferred to Beer Marketing, she was the person who I would ask if I didn’t know what to do. She was patient with me and she has always been there. After 2 years of being groupmates we got transferred to different groups but we still got each other’s back.
And before I realized what was happening, we were already going out as real friends even during the weekends, beach trips, out of the country trips. She was even a part of my wedding. I find myself looking forward to going to work just because there is something I wanted to tell her.
And we formed an unlikely barkada. There were 5 us, a solid team. Despite things being bad at work, we manage because we have each other to talk to and laugh it off. We have our moments of just making tambay to distress after a long day’s work. They were my first defenders whenever someone would say bad stuff about me. For me, it balanced my work life.
But in the back of my mind I always knew that we will eventually leave for better career opportunities. I just did not think about it too much because I know I wouldn’t be able to handle it yet. And although I know that my office barkada was actively searching for other work for the past month I did not take it too seriously. After all, they’ve been talking about moving for the longest time now but it still has not happened.
So last night when I got a text that my friend was positive about moving, I was fighting back tears. It was touching how her first text was “Elaine, positive na ko. Sama ka na?” If only it were that simple. I had commitments and expectations for me that still keeps me from leaving yet. And I really wanted to be happy for her, I was happy for her but sad at the same time. I fought back the tears because I did not want Mac to see how affected I was.
I told myself that I will not cry because we’ll still see each other. We already have trips planned after all. But I couldn’t help myself, driving to work earlier, alone in my car the tears just came. I will miss so much.
Who will I exchange text messages during meetings where other people are just being stupid?
Who will I bully to do stuff for me? =)
Who will share my mashed potatoes, French fries, instant noodles, chocolates?
Who will watch movies in the conference rooms with me after work hours?
Who will go with me for food trips?
Who will I skip work with to watch movies?
Who will I do petiks day with?
There are so many more things that I will miss doing with her.
It really is the end of an era!
