It's been a week. I thought that keeping myself busy will get my mind off things. I now spend everyday working. At night I will be so tired that I almost always go straight to sleep. You'd think that I would not have the time to be bitter or to wallow in self-pity. Well, you're wrong. Because I still have moments when I feel so bitter. It's funny how it seems that I do not have enough time to finish everything that I have to do but I still always manage to have periods when I feel so down...

Am i just so unlucky when it comes to relationships? or maybe this is karma...Although I do not think that I deserve this karma. I might have done things that i am not so proud of but i think i never deserve to hurt as much as I am hurting now. Everyday, I learn something new about him. And everyday the pain intensifies...whoever said that time heals all wounds?

I probably just want to hear the truth. I want to hear that it is really over. I want this all to end.

Something does not fit in my life…

Something feels so wrong….

I want to say I am happy but I am not so sure. …

I am grateful of all the love I am receiving but I think there is something terribly wrong with me because I insist on the thing that I cannot have and ignore those that are just within my reach.

God, how I want to go back in time…just a year before…maybe I could have saved myself from hurting…

But on second thought…there were a lot of happy times…so I guess if I were to be back on the same situations, I would make the same decisions again….

Stupid me….

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On wating

Two months ago Nanan sent me this message (he got it from Cinema Paradiso):

Once upon a time there was a soldier who fell in love with a princess

To prove his love, he vowed to stay under the princess’ balcony for 100 days.

If the princess opened the window, it meant she didn’t love the soldier.

So he waited

But she never opened the window.

There were nights when the soldier felt so weary, but he stayed.

On the 99th night, he left.

The End…

* I would wait too…but like the soldier, I will have to give up sometime. The soldier and I might have different reasons for leaving but he left and I will leave just the same.

i miss my baby pamangkins...



that's kaitlin




and that's danielle